We can all use a
little help…
24 Ways to Embrace the Changes of
Midlife
by Caron Loveless
I have just about concluded that there
aren’t many experiences to prep us for our trek through
midlife…except, maybe, a
high-speed-hold-on-to-your-hat-hang-out–of- your -seat “thrill
ride.” One minute we may be screaming, “Oh, Lord, I’m
going to die! …” the next, we’re buying a new ticket and
hopping right back on. Thus the parallel to the midlife
adventure:
If we can just hang on till things
level out, we’re bound to see all the fun of it.
Below
is a list of ways to embrace the changes…and they are many, as we
approach and partake of the middle years. I’m personally finding
them helpful on those “thin air, steep incline” days.
1. Be
often among safe, caring womenfolk. Watch for growing isolation.
2. Listen
to good music, morning and evening. Use it as a spirit booster
instead of food or television.
3. Fill
your environments with all things LIVE. Flowers, plants, food,
people, nature, pets. Live television does not count.
4. Don’t
be afraid to write on your hand if you think you may forget
something.
5. Buy
clothes with 5% spandex.
6. As
much as possible, share meals with happy people.
7.
Ask
God’s opinion first.
8. Be
intelligent and sensible about your body. Do the research. Go
the way of wisdom, with what gives you peace.
9. If
you are really desperate, buy a cat.
10.Give
people as many chances as it takes to get it right - Jesus did.
11.Drop lime slices in your water.
12.Give random hugs. Increase your affection quotient. Bear someone
else’s pain.
13.While washing your face, look in the mirror and say, “Sister, you
are beautiful, grace-filled, priceless to God. You are the object of His
affection. Yes, you are.
14.Buy new athletic shoes. You will walk faster and jump
higher.
15.Find creative ways to be near water - Jesus did.
16.Discover the elegance of ¾ length sleeves.
18.Set regular appointments to journal your life. Always write first
about how you feel.
If things become unmanageable, talk with a professional Christian
counselor. Shop around for the best fit. If your soul is infected, don’t
put off getting treatment.
19.Forgive on earth as you have been forgiven in heaven.
20.Find a teenage girl who reminds you of yourself and mentor her.
21.Participate in a life-giving church. One that celebrates, teaches
and loves Jesus Christ and people like you. Invest your resources in
things that will last.
22.Choose a Signature Color. Wear it often. Buy small, personal items
in this color. Paint a wall this color or even your front door.
23.Receive the WOW of NOW. Open up. Welcome its PRESENCE. See what is
there, all the sweet, juicy, fresh possibilities.
Caron’s Midlife Awareness Quiz
From the book, Honey
They Shrunk My Hormones
By Caron Loveless
“I’ve discovered I always have choices and sometimes
it’s only the choice of attitude.”
Judith M. Knowlton
For optimal success in any new culture, it is
always a good idea to become familiar with key phrases and terms unique to that
locale. To help gauge your readiness for the adventures each Advanced Woman is
at some
point required to accept, pause now for a quick
midlife awareness quiz. Feel free to consult any avenues of information you
have lying around the house. YOU CANNOT FAIL THIS QUIZ. Read each question
carefully, and then draw a line under your idea of the correct answer.
1)
A “mammogram” is
a)
A message from your mother delivered to your front
door
2)
If a woman has her “bunions” removed she has
a)
Asked her server to clear the remains of a fried
Australian appetizer
b)
Paid for posterior liposuction
c)
Loosed her hair from it’s bun-dage
d)
Just come from a great shoe sale
3)
The word “midlife” comes from
a)
A little known novel by J.R.R. Tolkien
b)
A Middlen,
c)
An early painting by Vincent Van Gough
d)
A 17th century saint often arrested for
“sudden, disturbing outbursts”
4)
The term “middle age spread” refers to
a)
A margarine product for people over forty
b)
A chic trend in bed linens designed from ancient fabrics
c)
The name of a dude ranch turned weight loss clinic in
central
d)
The trunk region of a mature body storing excess fat
to protect vital organs
5)
When a woman is “in menopause” she is
a)
Taking an afternoon nap
b)
Pressing the STOP button on a IBM copier
c)
Taking a break from the Dictaphone
d)
Free to do whatever she wants---any day of the
month---for the rest of her entire
life
6)
The abbreviation HRT stands for
a)
Handsome Research Technician
b)
Holy Redeemer Tabernacle
c)
Humor Replacement Therapy
d)
Happy Reduction in Temperature
7)
When someone says “empty nest” you know they mean
a)
A zero balance retirement account
c)
The code name for an abandoned spy hideout
d)
Clean, quiet housing for dazed and recovering parents
8)
The best definition of a “hot flash” is
a)
A popular website for late breaking news
b)
The time between listing your teen’s chores and his or
her disappearance
c)
A new urban street dance done with flashlights
d)
A single surge of power reported to burn 300 calories
per second and heat the town of
9)
When someone has “bi-focals” they can
a)
Enter a 2-man Olympic archery event
b)
Easily learn how to multi-task
c)
Sing in two octaves at once
d)
Help you read the menu
10) If a midlife woman says she’s
“lost weight” she
a) Has spent too long in a check out line
b)
Has misplaced her workout equipment
c)
Has important papers blowing across her desk
d)
Has witnessed an outright miracle
40+ Things
(to be Glad) We Don’t Need Anymore
From Honey
They Shrunk My Hormones
by Caron
Loveless
“Avoid reminiscing about
the past. If the name 
Sun suits & rompers
Petticoats
Clackers
Oscar Meyer wiener whistles
Sanitary napkin belts
"Rabbit ears” for the black & white TV
Spit curls, hair nets & home perms
Girl Scout uniforms
Math homework
TV trays
Spam
Saddle Oxfords & bobby socks
That talk about the birds & the bees
Troll dolls
Dodge ball
School pictures
Culottes
45’s
Spin- the- Bottle
Your first broken heart
The Brady Bunch
One piece gym suits
Orthodontic headgear
Swinger cameras
Tent dresses
An itsy-bitsy-tini-weenie -yellow polka dot bikini
Baby oil with iodine
Stretch hair bands
Go -Go boots
Hip hugger bell bottoms
S.A.T. scores
Midriff tops
Albums by Jimmy Hendrix, Iron Butterfly or Janice
Joplin
Shag carpet
Platform shoes
The Shimmy, The Pony and The Jerk
Frosty white lipstick
Micro-mini skirts
Twister
Fish net
stockings
VW Buses
Macramé belts
Anything paisley
Tip-toeing through the tulips with Tiny Tim
Psychedelic posters
The Twiggy look
Bumper Snickers
By Caron Loveless
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of traveling.
Margaret Lee Runbeck
One of my favorite things to do
in the car is read bumper stickers. There is nothing like a good bumper sticker
to expand your cultural awareness, restore your faith in free speech, or supply
a much-needed laugh.
Just think about it. With the aid
of a single bumper sticker, you can learn a person’s hobbies, how their kids
are doing in school and what piece of sporting equipment they might be willing
to trade for their spouse… just in case you were wondering. Without wasting
time on formalities, you can also discover things you and other motorists have
in common, such as, who they voted for three presidential elections ago, or
what non-endangered animal they would risk their life (and yours) to protect in
the untimely event this animal tires of life in the forest and decides to play
on the Interstate.
You see JESUS on a lot of
bumpers, which is exactly where you would want him, the way some folks drive.
* VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS *
I
could be fast friends with whoever came up with that one.
Of course, some people (not naming any names of
people in my immediate family) prefer not to put stickers on their cars because
they feel it detracts from the classiness of their vehicle. These people have a
right to blank bumpers, but I still say, whenever possible…
* VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS *
Does Any
Of This Have To Do With Midlife?
After a series of unauthorized traffic studies, it is
my observation that large numbers of women in our age group are making
significant statements with their bumpers…and why not? Who else has covered
more ground or been- there- and –done- the- proverbial- that more than
we lady boomers? Who else is better equipped to offer humor, encouragement and
spiritual guidance to weary, fellow travelers on the road of life? If there is
anything I’ve heard from women in the middle age group, its KEEP THE HUMOR HIGH
AND YOU’LL GET BY. So, in cooperation with this sentiment, I would like to
encourage you to consider the lift your own stickerized bumper could bring to
the world.
W
Decide on a message that you think worth sharing
with the world, and then create it on your computer using peel off sticker
paper from an office supply store. For those less computer savvy, a local sign
or printing company would be happy to do it for you at a semi-reasonable
price. Another way to do bumper stickers
without the “stick” is to buy a kit called (I think I have this right) “Bumper Poet” that supplies you with extra
large magnetic words especially designed for writing your own bumper sticker.
(Try a national chain bookstore in the refrigerator magnet section.) If you can’t think of a slogan, feel free to
choose one from the list below.
FOR
NON-BUMPER STICKER TYPES:
Choose a phrase from the
list below, print it out, then stick it on your computer or refrigerator using
a peel- off magnet available in the photo department of your local
drugstore.
EASY * NO-SWEAT * EXERCISE
* CHOOSE one of the following bumper stickers that best
expresses your feelings about midlife this week then share it with a
midlife friend.
CAUTION: Holding your stomach in could throw your back out
Health food? I need all the preservatives I can get.
Pay it BACKWARD: Take your mother to lunch
Has anyone SEEN my glasses?
Midlife Fashion Statement: All Hair Is Now Out.
Health problems? Be patient. Soon you won’t feel a thing.
Meeting expenses is easy…they’re everywhere.
A balanced diet = one cookie per hand.
My daughter is now at college so she let me borrow the car
No Pain, NO PAIN
If all is NOT LOST, then where is it?
MIDLIFING is not a crime.
The driver of this vehicle has now been fully inspected
EAT MORE GARLIC: From a distance you’ll look thinner.
Need wisdom? Just wait, it’ll grow on you.
Can anyone see where I’m going?
HONK
if you’re NOT on a cell phone
Have you hugged your mother today?
Just Do… Something
I’m OK. You’re OK. OK then.
Bad day? Consider the other options
Catch Me If You Can
The driver of this vehicle has never been HAPPIER
Women's
Midlife Support Groups
Women everywhere are sensing the need to gather informally to talk about their midlife issues. Many of them are using Honey; They Shrunk My Hormones as a springboard for their discussions. Some are simply reading the chapters and coming together to share their experiences and receive emotional and spiritual support.
Why not invite women from your neighborhood, office, church or reading group to join you in a midlife support group? Some groups meet once a week for 4- 6 weeks while others meet once a month for 4-6 months.
Along with reading
selected chapters from Honey They Shrunk My Hormones, here are some questions
you might want to use to stimulate further group discussion:
Group Discussion Questions
What 2 words would you use to describe how you feel about being in or
approaching midlife?
Did you/ Do you feel prepared for midlife to happen to you? Why/why not?
Do you feel our generation is handling midlife differently than our mother's
generation? If so, how so?
What areas of the midlife experience most concerns you right now?
Idea of
getting older
Appearance
Parenting
adult children
Empty
nest or the idea of it
Caring
for aging parents
Bodily/
hormone changes
Marriage
adjustments or singleness
Sex or
the lack thereof
Weight
Memory
lapse
Fatigue
Friendships
Other__________
What mental and emotional effects do you feel the physical stages peri-menopause
and menopause have on a woman?
Even if you haven't entered the stage of complete menopause, what are
your feelings about it at this point?
If you have children, what are their ages? How is your midlife experience
affecting your thoughts about parenting? If you have one,
how are you dealing with an empty nest? If you've had a transition
in your feelings on this subject tell us how you made this
transition.
If applicable, are you caring for one or both of your parents? What types
of expectations do you feel your parents have for you being
available to help them? What are their physical limitations?
Have you lost one or both parents? How do you feel about this?
What about the changes in our bodies? What specific changes have you noticed
in recent months or years?
How are you sleeping at night? Are you/ have you had night sweats and
hot flashes? What, if anything are you doing about this?
How do you feel about herbal supplements? Hormone Replacement Therapy?
If you are taking supplements of any kind, how are they working
for you?
How do you feel about birthdays…specifically your birthday? Do you
tell people your age when they ask, why or why not?
Have you had a mammogram? How your experience? Have you had any funny
or difficult experiences at a doctor visit or getting mammogram?
If you are married, what changes, if any have you noticed in your relationship
with your husband?
What do you
see as the greatest challenges for couples in midlife?
How have you
grown (emotionally, relationally, spiritually, mentally) in recent years
and what benefits to see for women approaching and in the midst of midlife?
What do you
now know about life that you couldn't have known as a younger woman?
In your opinion,
what are some of the best things about being a midlife woman?
What advice
have you received from older women who have already experienced the midlife
journey?
Has your relationship
with God been affected by your midlife experience? If so, how?
What do you
think a relationship with Jesus Christ offers a woman as she enters her
midlife season?
How do you
view your relationship with women at this time in your life? Have you
seen your relationships change? If so, how?
What are some things we as women can do to support one another through
midlife?